Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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