I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize