Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
