I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We named our party play list daddy issues
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
