i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
