she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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