good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
