wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
