absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
its liver damage thursday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
