i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is my gift to your gina
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
