You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
