so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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