if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
