I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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