One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
