Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
