everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
