I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just had sex bonerless
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
