She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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