I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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