i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize