I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
