Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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