I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
