If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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