She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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