I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no you cant smoke seaweed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
