Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
