Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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