I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
