Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Pooping to opera.
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