Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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