it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
