PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
