I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
