i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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