dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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