Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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