it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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