Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
