he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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