After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
