OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize