and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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