May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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