Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
