Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
