This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
