fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
