maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
