Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You made out with two different species that night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize