Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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