Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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