I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
