3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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