My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize