last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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