Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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