An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
