Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The best revenge is premature balding
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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