mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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