Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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