Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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