We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
