First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Still dying that you shit outside
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
