Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
