Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
