I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
