Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
