I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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