i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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